Sounds like a great read! I'm going to put on my homemade razor blade ice skates and glide across that barely frozen pond to pick up my copy.

Balk, I have bikinis full of gratitude for you!

In these trying times, what we really need is more Diddy nicknames. On this site, too. I'm actually 100% serious.

Edwards' haircuts cost chump change compared to the $150,000 the campaign has admitted they've spent (just since September) on Palin's "VPILF" wardrobe at Saks, Neimans and Barneys. Guess Wasilla Wal-Mart wasn't good enough for Governor Grassroots anymore.

Awesome! Maybe later I will make even more jokes you have already made, because after 3 hours sleep, my brain is a piece of gristle. A DELIRIOUSLY HILARIOUS one.

Just more gristle for the mill.

RoLo? Limantha?

I never thought I'd find myself agreeing with Keith Gessen, but this is one corner of our internet that seriously needs to be taken back.

I have a recipe for a lovely toddler bisque, if you'd like, Wook.

Meh, I bet you hear those "WOW, Daddy, can I touch it" comments all the time, Balk.

Not all of us. Some of us have Tumblrs to update.

Yeah, Balk! Let these people go on TV and radio and to magazines and newspapers and sell their juicy memoirs detailing every childhood indiscretion and scandalous peccadillo IN PEACE! You heartless swine!

I regret that I have but one country to give my vote!

So?

I hope when Obama and his family move into the White House, they adopt a dog and name it 'Arab,' just to stick it to the racists and xenophobes who would shit a brick at the idea of "one of them" in there.

So "blue balls" does have a gender neutral equivalent.

Come on, ossifer, I'm just drinking TO RELIEVE THE PRESSURE!

Excellent analogy, Choire. Does that make the floor plans the money shots?

Puerile: pu·er·ile
Pronunciation: \ˈpyu̇(-ə)r-əl, -ˌī(-ə)l\
Function: adjective
Etymology: French or Latin; French puéril, from Latin puerilis, from puer boy, child; akin to Sanskrit putra son, child and perhaps to Greek pais boy, child -- more at few
Date: 1652

1 : juvenile
2 : childish, silly

And one more for you, since you seem rather unclear on so very many concepts-

threadjack
v. thread-jack (n. and v.), threadjacker
[ < thread and hijack. ]
To move a thread away from the original topic by bringing up another, which may or may not have any relation or bearing to the original

According to Wikipedia, threadjacking is typically done by either:
1. newbies who don't understand what they've just done
2. Internet trolls who intentionally post unrelated or inflammatory posts to steer the topic away from its original intent.

How's the weather under the bridge, dear?

She doesn't speak English; she talks Alaskan.

Threadjacking is puerile. Take it somewhere else. People here are over you.

Just yesterday I told Mr ChiCity he needed to be famous. Thanks for the boost, Balk. Check out the video where he celebrates getting a raise by buying EVERYTHING on the McDonald's Dollar Menu.

I fucking love this dude. Wonder if he's got any Fresca in there for mami?

Among other maladies, I think his eyesight is also going to shit. Even with the big green, yellow and red lights, he still asked Brokaw to give him a wave when time was up. AND THIS MAN OWNS 13 CARS?

Come on, people! She's wearing white! SHE IS THE DOVE OF PEACE!

Quick! Get Ozzy to bite off her head!

Oh well, if he wins, the American public will get to experience exactly what he went through in the POW camp, and for only one year less than he did. FAIR IS FAIR, right, America? Tit for tat. (Or should that be "twit for twat"?)

Dayum. He had me at "DiddyBlog"!

I think Dave Grohl should satirize McCain and Palin in his next video. And he should come to my house and rehearse for it naked.

Pics or GTFO.

I obviously "need" to start "using" more quote marks to be "taken seriously" around here.

Now if I can just get a breathalyzer lock on my cell phone, I will be safer than a bubble boy.

Can we get some videos of these adorable Somali pirates rubbing up against trees soon?

The stone tablet he chiseled this on is surprisingly easy to read.

Gay cannibals: "we're all pink on the inside."

What she fails to mention is that the minute she got into the Governor's office, SHE FIRED EVERY SINGLE ONE OF THOSE UNGRATEFUL MOSQUITOES. (Don't look so comfy, mountains. Your day will come.)

You all laugh now, but in two years, McCain is going to divorce Cindy and marry that baby.

Hey Balk, maybe if you let word get out that you might hire a few of the laid off kids, Denton will woo them back in another desperate attempt to avoid a "Radar poaches MORE Gawker writers" story. He's kind of pre-dick-table like that.

I think we just met NewToChoire.

@krismry. "An unbecoming cult"? Praise Moe all you want, but step off Hunter. Telling people where to erect their altars of worship is awfully condescending. You don't get to choose who my heroes are, sweetie.

I am genuinely sad about Uncle Grambo. But maybe this means Whatevs (dot org) will be back, so there's my silver lining I guess.

Uck. (Fs are being scaled back because of the recession.)

I love how the audio just kind of fades out as she keeps babbling like an idiot.

The bear is just mad that they no longer honour the old stamp system on Subway Club cards. I was pissed too.

Way to phone it in, kid with the hair. Even Britney showed more commitment when she did her imitation!

He hailed me a cab once. I briefly considered hitting it.

I like KarenUhOh.

More accurately, change "Toby Young" to "Nick Denton" and switch "friends" to "commenters." My excellent friend Spiegelman remains the bastion of tolerability in both scenarios.

I hope Ricky Martin and Zac Efron have suicide hotline workers standing by.

..."She has no reason to be here."

Indeed.

The Dukes of Moral Hazard.

NBC missed a big opportunity to make some dough there, pledge drive-steez. "Send us your donations, or in five minutes, these two broads will scrub off everything that makes them even remotely photogenic." They wouldn't have needed advertising for months.

Leave it to Conbon to be able to correctly identify a RIM job.

However, dehydrated McCain Turkey Jerky is something I think we can all get behind.

I'd hit at least a few localized areas of that.

Too bad President Clinton missed his chance to use "Crazy On You," which I was always told is about giving a beej.

Choire, you know I love any day that starts with "What Canadians Are Wearing." I'll make sure to email you the deets of my ensemble tomorrow. (Hint: the mystery stain IS actually maple syrup! For true!)

"Sarah Palin never made this an issue." Gee, I wonder why not? I guess if it were in a book she could just try to have it banned, since that's really more her style.

And I think it's pretty clear, Rosie O'Donnell has had nothing to do with any of this. The Governor's history of problems with the truth occurred long before and thousands of miles away from any media scrutiny. When dirt is THIS obvious, it finds YOU, Johnnyboy.

While filming here in Vancouver all those years, DutchOven was a well-known lover of "the ballet". All the strippers in town must have cried sparkly lurex tears when he left... until the big fan at the edge of the stage dried them.

Apparently Canadians may be in for another federal election this fall, too. (You can tell our rules are different because we usually find out about these things after somebody notices a massive print job going to press somewhere in Ottawa). I'm guessing our tubs won't be thumped in this fine D.Ku style... they'll more likely be clogged with hair.

I'm just sorry my citizenship doesn't allow me to vote for this ticket. That had me reaching for the tissues in a ridiculously short amount of time. She's incredible. I sense a whopping girlcrush on the horizon for me.

And you know what, Mister Balk? I don't believe I will go read another site. I'm in my happy place here and you just keep making it better.

Anna Wintour has a Twitter?

Hey, Shnay! This damn place just keeps getting better. (And that reminds me, I have a signed copy of homeboy Grant McCracken's latest book kicking around here somewhere.)

@guevarajunior: http://www.choiresicha.com/pronounce.mp3

So Balk and Choire, I assume it's okay if I bring a few friends over? ;)

Burning my Gawker bridges as we speak! W00t!

We'll make a deal, Choire - never ever ever leave, and I won't either.

Nobody guessed Fissure Stevens?

Fine, but can you tell me who my future husband will be? My grandparents are elderly and tired of waiting.

It's like one of them is staying home, the other is going to the store on Air Force Two.

@Rie11eHunter: You seem a little preoccupied with this "Forbes editor Kurt Badenhausen."

Do you actually think it's possible he secretly works at Radar and is reading these comments... or did somebody maybe lose a Googling contest?

Hell, hrabi, I'd buy a bottle of Money-Cash-Ho-fume... as long as it made me smell like a really nice leather bag. (I can have a dream too, right?)

Very compelling reading. Kudos.

Who else is buying up the gay scene and do all gay club members get a cut of the profits from those sales, Choire? Like gay scout cookies... does Abercrombie & Fitch sell them?

Water?

Balk, I'm THIRSTY, not DIRTY.

Whew. Thank goodness there's nothing in there about bong hits.

Balk, I'll have you know some of us were willing to flash our breasts without even the promise of recompense in the form of cheap plastic jewelry even back then. But in those days, it MEANT something. (It meant I'd had too many vodka tonics.)

Does this mean no more blasting live cats into space? I was finally starting to get the smell out of the drapes.

YOU'LL NEVER HATE CHOIRE AS MUCH AS HE HATES HIMSELF!

And hey, nice work lining up these two guest commenters from said Myspace, Adam. You should book for Leno. ;)

What? A lot can happen in train cars. I saw Risky Business.

Bindra the Killer Pimp FTW!

"Today in Gays..." (oh, the possibilities!)

Oh my GOD. This made me weep with laughter.

Oh shit. Does this mean ours in 2010 is gonna be the XXX Olympiad?

This week just gets better and better.

NaanSociety.

Stunningly beautiful. I won't complain about being squinty ever again.

Balk, schatzi, if that post was "terrible," I don't want to read anything "good."

I didn't want to spill your drink. There are thirsty children in Africa!

Once again making the case for commenter auditions.

You can hide a lot more in a boyfriend than you think. They're deceptively roomy. (And hey, I hear the second month is free!)

I want to get those Fame-o-meter sfx on a subcutaneous chip for the next time I'm gettin bizzaay. This releases me from the need to speak, because apparently when I do, I cock it up with phrases like "gettin bizzaay". Yeesh.

Dude, love that hed you gave. (I hear Aiken says this all the time too!)

That's Nadja Auermann, if I'm not mistaken. I actually remember that cover very well.

@Creativity_Zero - some of us fucklosophical types actually started keeping track way back when we started. (And not just for reasons of diseasin'!)

Well, since I have no reputation left to protect...

A fun game I like to play is to take your list of bangees and assign each a rating between -10 and +10, reflecting how you would feel if you saw that person again today (-10 meaning you would shrivel up and die or call the cops, and +10 meaning you'd be elated and get to hittin the kitten right then and there). Then you add up all your scores, divide by the total number of bangees and, voila! You've got an average that tells you much more than just whether you're a whore... you'll actually get some sense of how you're doing in your sexual "career."

Hez (currently sitting at around +5)

@KarenUhOh. HELLO? Crotchless!

Rookie.

None of this explains why manhunting.tumblr.com is following me. WHAT DO GEIGHS WANT??

@karion: Seconded.

It's all just so much Gawxic waste.

I just thought you were trying to get our attention with that hed, Balk. (For the record, we would have also accepted "jackanapes".)

Hell, even Nick Denton wants to be Choire Sicha these days. He gets all the hot commenters.

You're fired. Now let me sit on your lap.

I'm just waiting for the hot dancing from bear (but preferably "bare") guys.

I can whip up some more Choire Cassidys if he doesn't show up. There's a vast internet library of satin moose knuckle just waiting for crude cut & paste jobs.

Fucking kids these days couldn't spell B & E if you gave them the B and the E. I also have it on good authority that Dane Cook is neither Danish nor a culinary professional. What up the fuck with that?

Hold me, KUO, I'm scared! I think I need a shot of whatever is in Balk's bottom desk drawer, or more photoshopped pics of Choire as Shaun Cassidy.

As the dog returneth to his own Nutrish, so the tool to her folly.

Gilmore Girls fanboys? I didn't know Conbon was posting here under a pseudonym.

Choire Cassidy: finally my crushmash has been realized. http://tinyurl.com/65tj4b

Every time I think I can't love you any more than I already do, you do something like this, and I get all giddy and handclappy and suddenly I'm 8 years old again and you're Shaun Cassidy taking the stage by bursting through a paper-covered hoop.

And in this fantasy, like Shaun, you are wearing a really nice satin jacket. Balk should get you a commemorative one to celebrate your stint at Radar. (Or at least a paper-covered hoop for your next dramatic entrance. Don't knock it until you've tried it.)

Well, I'm not following her Tumblr either... I got all the Tumblr I need RIGHT HERE, baby.

Oh, please. Balk is wayyy too street smart to read HuffPo.

I feel so... oh, what's the word... violated?

(Can anyone help me with a better synonym?)

Goddamn, Balk - fire me twice and call me Sheila, you magnificent bastard. I don't think I have enough ice cold Gawker memes in the fridge for this. I might have to run to the store.

Moe from Jezebel has 2 under her belt already... there was the affair de coeur with Blakeley, and now the shitstorm following her drunkass appearance with Tracie "Slut Machine" Egan on Lizz Winstead's show, which has been taking some well-deserved heat on Winstead's blog and Young Manhattanite, among others. (Everywhere EXCEPT Jezebel, of course.)

Sheila has two logins? That is so much more lucrative than two mommies!

Oh, Balk. We all know you only turn up the AC so you can show the world your perky Aniston nipples.

As long as we've introduced "Thrillist fatigue" into the lexicon, I'm happy.

This junket is all over Twitter and Tumblr for five days and now RADAR? It might have had good buzz at the time, but "Thrillist fatigue" is really setting in now.

(Nonetheless, Rachel, it's nice to see at least one fellow Canardliak deemed worthy of inclusion.)

Yay, Gina! But no pics of the dress?

Those tags, as always, are pure poetry.

http://www.thetarpdepot.com
It's sad that I don't even have to look that up anymore.

Also, Lisanti's tumblr is worth a few clicks. (http://marklisanti.tumblr.com) He uh, reblogs me sometimes. (Well, when I'm not just obsessively reblogging Balk... from the safety of my tarp.)

And Choire, don't forget you are also a CHAMPION TWITTERER - and one of my faves! Surely this will translate into massive personal wealth any day. (At least, that's what I told my dad.)