Television
How Low Can We Go?
Radar makes the world's tawdriest reality shows safe for American audiences
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This article is from the July/August issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here.
When it comes to reality TV, Americans are prudes. While the rest of the world enjoys programming packed with sex, stunts, and flaming car wrecks, U.S. network execs only see fit to import the most modest foreign fare (Nanny 911, anyone?).
Fortunately, thanks to ABC's new offering I Survived a Japanese Game Show (premiering June 24), the States are poised to jump headlong into the burbling hot tub of reality sleaze. Still, it'll take years for the networks to tweak the backlog of worldly reality for domestic consumption. But with the help of Kid Nation executive producer Tom Forman, we've done our part to speed up the country's descent into utter depravity. (You can thank us later.) Here, a few of the world's nuttiest shows, tweaked for local sensibilities.
Country: United Kingdom
The Concept: Ten weighty youngsters are sent to live for a month with aborigines in Australia's outback, where they are forced to survive on whatever animals and insects they can catch.
The Problem: Fat kids on TV?
Forman's Fix: "Actually, the problem here isn't fat kids. It's hunting. Lose that, and you've got a feel-good show about Americans shedding pounds."
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Country: Germany
The Concept: Twelve men compete to see whose sperm can swim the fastest to the end of an ovum-scented test tube. Winner receives a red Porsche and bragging rights.
The Problem: Two words: Live. Sperm.
Forman's Fix: "You start by getting rid of the semen. At which point you've probably gotten rid of the show. Which is, in this case, a good thing."
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Country: Japan
The Concept: A naked contestant, locked in a studio apartment for more than a year, struggles to accumulate $10,000 worth of prizes from mail-in sweepstakes contests, surviving only on his winnings.
The Problem: Um ... it's really weird.
Forman's Fix: "It's too claustrophobic, serious, and naked for American audiences. Why can't people just compete in some funny preexisting contest?"
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Country: Russia
The Concept: Handed keys to a stolen car, contestants have 35 minutes to successfully evade law enforcement while racing through city streets.
The Problem: We sue over hot coffee. Car wrecks are kind of a gimme.
Forman's Fix: "Replace 'city streets' with 'obstacle courses.' Replace 'police' with 'attractive fitness models.' Congrats, it's a hit."
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Country: Argentina
The Concept: Two down-on-their-luck contestants compete for a menial job by undergoing a series of employment exams, interviews, and awkward customer scenarios.
The Problem: Minimum wage isn't really much of a prize.
Forman's Fix: "Replace 'menial job' with 'high-paying, kinda glamorous job,' and America might really get behind this show."
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Country: United Kingdom
The Concept: Locked on an X-rated film set with a harem of comely porn stars, five male contestants vie to outlast, outperform, and outmoan their rivals. Winner gets an adult film deal.
The Problem: Remember the uproar over Janet Jackson's exposed nipple? Hardcore porn might be a bit much.
Forman's Fix: "Shoot around the full-frontal male nudity and sell it to Showtime. No joke."
This article is from the July/August issue of Radar Magazine. For a risk-free issue, click here.
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