Everyone's having a grand old time on the TV, selling their candidates. Why all the airwaves are taken up by paid advisers and surrogates, we'll never know! The thing is, it's pretty amazing that every night the networks are taken up with paid public-relations representatives. The good news—at least we know who they work for! We take a look back at some of our favorite moments of paid TV punditry ... so far. It will only get better!

Rudy Giuliani, delivering talking points on Barack Obama and Bill Ayers: "Not just associates, they sat on a board together and gave out millions and millions of dollars. The board was giving out millions of dollars to various housing projects, probably including ACORN. I think the picture that emerges ... this is a guy with a very significant radical left-wing education ... that's who he does business with." Oh God, not ACORN!!!

Tucker Bounds, of the McCain campaign. Oh, Tucker, we'll miss you the most. "It is true that during a struggling economy, [Obama] proposes raising taxes." This is not the dumbest thing he's said but it is a fantastic construction.

Dick Morris. Well, we don't take him very seriously. On Obama and Ayers: "You're talking about the equivalent of having a close relationship with Osama bin Laden."

Nancy Pfotenhauer, McCain aide, again on Ayers and Obama. "We didn't dredge this information up.... What the article also concluded that if Senator McCain had hung out with someone who bombed abortion clinics, no one would consider it illegitimate."

Charlie Black, McCain adviser (and lobbyist). "John McCain's no Washington insider.... Senator McCain too has a plan to prevent a recession." Ha ha, that was like nine months ago. Does he still have that plan? Because we would like very much to borrow it now.

Ralph Reed, professional adorable little girl. Obama will "hurt 20 million small businesses.... He made a decision that he was not going to appear on a stage with the voters until the debates. And now it's slash and burn. You've already heard the smears against Sarah Palin." Barack Obama smeared Sarah Palin!

Fred Thompson, crazy person, delivering the best punditry of the election (SO FAR). "They are now parachuting in dozens of lawyers, and investigators, and scandal mongers, and representatives of cable networks to look under every rock they can find in Alaska. I hope they brought their own brie and Chablis with them.... This woman is undergoing the most vicious assault anyone's ever seen."

Kellyanne Conway, Republican strategist: "Here today you have John McCain before a group of workers in Youngstown, Ohio, and you have Barack Obama, on the side of the little guy, yet at a fundraiser in California with Barbra Streisand where they're paying $28,500 a plate...." This was shortly before McCain flew to New York City for his fundraiser with the Jews and the brie 'n' Chablis set.

Radio blatherer Ben Ferguson: "Guess who Barack Obama's biggest advisers are? Freddie Mac's CEO and Fannie Mac's CEO...." If you keep saying it, someday it'll be true! And that goes for all of you adorable pollsters and pundits. Yay America!