• The Dow closed at 9447.
• Sarah Palin's phenomenal ratings in Alaska are dropping phenomenally.
• Those deviants at AIG were spending your tax dollars on a long weekend of hotel room service and mani-pedis!
• The U.S. government has suspended the tax that it would normally charge corporations to bring in money they have parked in other countries. Someone is making money off this!
• Are you an exhausted trader, often photographed by the AP clasping your hand to your face? You may drink half-off at the World Financial Center tonight.
• What's big in England now? Crowds gathering and shouting encouragement at gay teens preparing to jump off buildings to their death. "Some brought their children to watch."
• Your evening gay cannibalism update: "A former Mr Gay UK winner who killed a lover and cooked and chewed pieces of his leg had threatened a former boyfriend with a meat cleaver, a jury heard."
• In your evening dose of pirate news, now the U.N. is getting involved to stop Somalian piracy. :(
• Remember that dude from Kansas whose girlfriend was stuck to the toilet for two years? He just won the lottery. Again.
• P.S. Adam Ant is back.