Jesus H., where did former New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey hide his money? (Um, please don't say "in his boyfriend.") Jersey courts today finally disposed of his marriage at and gave his heinous, annoying, super-irritating ex-wife no alimony whatsoever, just a hundred grand in cash (allegedly a 50-50 split of their investments), and $250 a week in child support. And she has to give him half her 401(k). Also, the judge basically cursed them out at the end.

Now, sure, she had a quarter-of-a-million dollar book advance, and his was twice that, so maybe that's a wash. (Plus, it's SPENT already—just like all their other cash disappeared in three-way warm-up dinners at TGI Friday's.) But, um, let's just say it: Dude is Jersey through and through. He hid the cash. She got rolled. Now he's pretending to be a poor seminary student. It's a shame they're no longer married, because they deserve each other.