After nearly six years of delays, and a week of torturous jury vetting, lawyers in the child pornography case of R&B arch-villain R. Kelly have selected the 12 Kelly peers who will judge whether or not the singer filmed himself, uh, marinating the mouth of an underage girl. And if this week of litigator bickering is any indicator, the trial, set to begin opening arguments next Tuesday, will be as embarrassing and tiresome as it will be amusing and theatrical. Here's where we're left heading into next week's action:

• Remember the crazy media frenzy over the Michael Jackson case awhile back? Neither do we, but Judge Vincent Gaughan is using that spectacle to prevent the media from gaining access to his secret court records. That the judge is testy is not all that surprising given that his courtroom smells like a shit-filled Tijuana baño. For their part, reporters are retaliating by sticking chewed gum under their seats in the pews. This may come to blows.

• The defense likes black people, the prosecution likes white people, brown people are mostly ignored. Losers here: the defense.

• Rules of Gaughan's court will be tested at every turn, and a good rule of thumb for lawyers is it never hurts to ask stupid questions on stupid grounds in a stupid manner.

• Everyone's so screwed up over this case it's even got cops refusing free donuts! Authorities have threatened to revoke the press passes of fried-morsel-bearing reporters.

• Jurists with corn rows are scary, and yet beloved—depends whether you're R. Kelly or not. Also, jurist dishonesty is both hated and adored. This depends on whether you're the defense and you feel you're getting short shrift on the number of black jurists.

• R. Kelly gets sleepy during the day, whether he's on trial or not. That's 'cause he's writing your favorite songs, playing hoops, and throwing basketballs at reporters all damn night.

• Rape victims can treat a sex-related case with an open and fair mind. And R. Kelly may be responsible for 9/11. This is not yet clear.

For the complete back story, check Radar's comprehensive field guide to the R. Kelly sex trial.