HILL-ACIOUS Justin Bobby, Audrina

An Open Letter to Mr. Adam Divello,

Seeing as you're the creator/exec producer of the now-out-of-season production The Hills, I was hoping you might have a minute to talk about Audrina and Justin Bobby. I'm usually up to speed on these matters, but I'm pretty confused. Justin Bobby is always telling Audrina that they are not boyfriend-girlfriend, and Audrina usually says much of the same. But when we see them together, you flash their names up on the screen, and under "JUSTIN," it says "Audrina's Boyfriend." OMG! If this is true, I'm happy Mr. Hair Care finally committed.

But then it continues. That dude from the band asks Justin if he and Audrina are "hot and heavy." Who says stuff like that? People over 30? (This is not a dig at you, Adam.)

The questions do not end there, Divello.

What about this ending of yours? Heidi and Spencer go out to eat and all we get is a couple shots of the despondent duo sitting there. Your name flashes up on the screen: "Created by Adam Divello." That's it? Did anything happen? What did I miss? Why are they always so pissy when they go out to eat??? I love eating out.

I noticed that Heidi ordered two bottles of water—one flat, one sparkling. That seemed sort of strange, two bottles of water for two people. Right?! Can't they just share one thing of water? What exactly are you trying to say?

Also, I am worried. Spencer got Heidi an expensive purse for her birthday. At first, I was, like, awesome! Hot purse! Spencer can be so sweet when he's not being creepy. But then I flashed back to when Lauren got that Chanel mothership purse from Jason for Christmas—we all know what happened to them—and now I'm worried the same could happen to Heidi and Spencer. Whatever, Lauren's still up one great purse.

Well, I have to go fold some T-shirts before they realize I've been on a smoking break for like half an hour. I won't even get into all the drama at the fashion show with Lauren and Whitney, but, really, did that party-planning drama even go anywhere? Can you write in the creepy looking party-helper dude with the bleached hair who looked like Robert Downey, Jr., back on the drugs? Maybe a new (gay) boyfriend for LC? It's not like she's actually getting any love from Brody.

Let's talk soon,

Xoxo,
Radar